$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
