i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
