he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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