you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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