i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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