I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
