Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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