He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
