i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize