sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
