Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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