The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
