i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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