Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
