Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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