I'm laying in your front yard are you home
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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