I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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