A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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