If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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