No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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