Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
