i think my mom watched the whole time
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
