walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
