Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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