he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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