Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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