ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I could make wine with my vomit
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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