note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
