So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
