he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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