anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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