forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
