Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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