I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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