My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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