I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
