Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
