I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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