Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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