My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
