I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
