I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
