just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
