wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize