So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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