He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
