so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
