Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
