Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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