You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
