I think I won the penis lottery.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
