she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
