my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
