I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
