First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
