Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
