respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
