Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize