Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
