just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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