she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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