Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize