i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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