he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
