I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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