I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
