I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
