If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize