So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
