life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
